Festivals - Beer Reviews by Hopsmash

Chicago, IL • Founded: 2016 • https://hopsmash.com

Ah yes, the famed beer festival. The place that is only open for like 4 hours, so you have to drink as much as you can as fast as you can in order to taste as much as you can, and then you half-pass out in the parking lot while waiting for your Uber and trying to see straight enough to order Taco Bell online so you can eat immediately when you get home before you hopefully don't puke and spin in circles all night. What a delight! It's funny how festival sessions are so short, as if people are going to behave themselves and not binge drink because they're too busy sipping on 4-oz. glasses and talking about which brewery has the cleanest lines and best connection to rare hops from the southern hemisphere. No, people. We're all getting ripped as shit and complaining that the session isn't 8 hours so we can't actually pace ourselves. Not to mention the festivals that don't have any food available. My god. How many times must we almost die? It's not like we're good decision makers over here. Anywayyyyyyy...festivals are cool most of the time, unless it's all volunteers that don't even like beer. We go to them if they're in our general geographic zone. Sometimes we travel to them. Sometimes we post about them, sometimes we don't. Sometimes, we love them. Occasionally, we don't. But, we shall forge on, because we must support all these lovely independent brewers working their asses off to bring us samples of balls-ass yum yums wherever the festival tents are set up. See you there. Hiccup.