A handful of drunk idiots.
Support independent craft beer. Full stop. We drink way too much beer and write way too many unqualified beer reviews. We also may or may not sell merchandise to fund our filthy habits.
This will eventually have more words when they come to one of us.
Hopsmash® // Respect The Craft®
But, who are these jackasses?
Ryan AKA Tries Anything Once AKA Wetmouth McGraw
Your "founder," whatever the hell that means. Got sick of drinking craft beer and not sharing it, probably because of some deep-rooted childhood trauma. Created Hopsmash because he can't not do things, because he clearly has a problem, because obviously, because because stuff and things.
From: Chicago, IL
Really From: Texas
Favorite Beer: Highland Park - Timbo Pils
Likes: Hugs, dogs, coffee, tacos, peanut butter pretzels
Dislikes: Mayonnaise, bad attitudes
Joel AKA General No-Pants AKA Rectumdamnnearkilledem
Joel is Ryan's favorite bald friend with three children. He loves the craft beverage industry because he loves when people do things they love, and they do them well. But then, he also likes being nude and letting people know he's nude, because for some reason, being nude and telling people who may or may not also be nude that you are nude is just fun stuff, ya know? Also, he really loves vacuuming up a lot of crumbs. Just feels good.
From: Yorkville, IL
Really From: Oak Park, IL
Favorite Beer: Maplewood - Charlatan Pale Ale
Likes: Hugs, dogs, coffee, tacos, cheddar cheese & pretzel Combos, original flavor Corn Nuts, nudity
Dislikes: Pickles, fake-ass bitch-ass ass-bitch people, pants
Ang AKA Boss Lady AKA Queen Of The Triples
You might not realize that she's actually the one in charge of all of this, unless of course you're complaining about something, then that is TOTALLY on Joel or Ryan. She loves beers that have more alcohol more than beers that don't have a lot of alcohol. She is also really really good at asking questions to help the person asking questions realize they already knew the answer. How does that make you feel?
From: Chicago, IL
Really From: Chicago, IL
Favorite Beer: Any triple IPA
Likes: Triple IPAs, triple IPAs, and also triple IPAs, dogs
Dislikes: Leaving the house
Ben AKA Stop Talking AKA Mr. Leave Me Alone
Ben is a man of few words. Ryan usually has to edit his reviews because they normally just say, "Pretty good." Sometimes, they also say, "Very good. I like it." Ben is the male Angela and Angela is the female Ben and it's super-weird that Ben is Ryan's brother-in-law, and also, Ryan is married to Angela. So, basically, Ryan is married to Ben. Which is even weirder when you consider that Ben's wife is Ryan's sister. Ben likes drinking way more than you'd ever know. Because he never talks. Unless he does. A rare occurrence when, if occurring while you're there, means that you're lucky to be in his presence. P.S. Ben is actually amazing, this is in jest. Obvs.
From: Palatine, IL
Really From: Iowa
Favorite Beer: TBD
Likes: His dog, his wife, his kids, staying home, not talking
Dislikes: Words, conversations that last longer than 17 seconds